Please pray for Uganda.

http://www.paradoxuganda.blogspot.com/

http://abcnews.go.com/Health/Germs/story?id=3970795&page=1

http://www.newvision.co.ug/D/9/183/600944

The things I don’t understand are the desires I have for things other than what I am doing right now.  Why is it that each day I think about Uganda I miss it more and more? Why is it that I have this desire to teach? Why do I see the need and want to be involved in the lives of the youth at church but don’t have the time? Why do I have this intense desire to immerse myself in the needs of other cultures? And yet the life I’m living seems distanced from all of these things. Maybe God has other plans?

I am so easily frustrated when I feel that my life is undefined. And my heart needs to be worked on in so many ways that I don’t know which place to start. But I am so thankful that “we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin.” This verse just came to mind as I was typing. I had fogotten the verse that follows. ”Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.” I want to draw near.

*Heb 4:15-16

Friday 5am: Wake up late (even though i set both my alarm clock AND cell phone…go me!) with no time to wash my hair, oh well…I’ll just throw it up in a clip.  What’s that scratchy feeling? Oh just a sore throat from my first ”teacher cold” of the school-year.  I get in my car and I hit the worst traffic ever at 6am.  Who else is up at 6am? Well it seems all of DC is. Then the rain comes….literally.  As I reach for my coffee to calm my nerves, a typical DC driver cuts me off.  As I hit the brakes, my head jerks causing some unknown muscle in my neck to strain (mere, maybe you can help me out here?) and my hair clip to break.   My unwashed, now frizzy-from-the-rain hair has nowhere to hide. 

Oh and the coffee in my hand? It’s now on my dry clean-only blouse I just got cleaned the other day.

Welcome to my life.

Somedays it seems like we are backed up against a wall, doesn’t it?

Money problems.  Car problems. Job problems. Guy problems…or lack-there-of guy problems(…it’s kinda sad when you start missing even having a guy problem to deal with.)

 I’ve always joked about how the theme song to Friends is the theme song of my life.  “Your job’s a joke, you’re broke, you’re love life’s DOA.”

Well, ok, my job really isn’t a joke. I love it.  But it definetly is hard sometimes.  And somedays I feel like a joke doing it.  And the whole broke and love life part….right up my alley. 

Yet, I always say how i love that song because it’s so true about how my friends are always there.  I’ve got an amazing roommate who will stay up late with me when i’m sad, just to bake brownies with me and eat them all within 30 minutes (go me…again!!). I’ve got amazing, amazing friends both near and far who would pick up a phone at any time of the day or night to cheer me up. I’ve got a family who will always be my biggest fans.  Oh my dear friends, I’ve been missing you.  Our hallway chats, late night talks over oreos and milk.

Yet lately, I’ve been learning how to lean on an even greater friend.  God has been teaching me soooo soooo much on just going to him when I need that support.  He’s blessed me with friends and family for the support that I can get here on earth.  But he gives me the support I need for my soul. 

This past week I’ve been up against a wall in one certain area. I have felt used/taken advantage of by one of my jobs in particular.  I’ve felt that my hardwork has been used in exchange for someone else’s selfish profit/ambition.  And this has resulted in me now struggling in the money department.  My other jobs are great and fine.  I’m so excited to get back to the inner city (just 2 more weeks) and I’m longing to see what God’s going to do there this year.

Yet for this one job that I mentioned, I finally stood up for myself this week (something I don’t usually do) and threatened to leave if things did not get better.  I don’t want to leave b/c I’ve already committed to the year and I’m not one to quit in the middle of a committment but I’m not one to be used either.   Things are starting to look up but it will take a few weeks till everything is back on track.

This has resulted in me having to figure out more teaching gigs/jobs/scheduling so that I can pay all of my bills.  And to tell you the truth it has made me live in an anxious state all week. So I went to God because I realized that I can’t do this on my own.

This fall will be hard, but I trust that He will provide.  I know that He has me where He wants me and has given me the jobs he wants me to have.  I will do my best to do what he wants, to live the life he wants me to live. And I’ll leave the rest up to him.

 I’ve always prayed that I would never be rich.  That I would always have enough to get by.  I’m not one for brand names and fancy clothes.  I think that this year, God is granting me what I asked of him.  He is teaching me how to live by what He is giving me…and for now, that’s enough to get by. It’s hard, especially when there’s temptation everywhere to spend, spend spend. But I’m learning. I’m learning to trust. And I’ll keep on learning.

I hope you all know that I’m always here for you for any encouragement/support you need.  We can have a hallway chat on the phone at any hour.  But I pray that you also know that God is there when you need him too. When those on earth can’t fullfill your needs…because they can’t…please know, that he will.

love you all.

 I’m standing in my grandparent’s lush green yard. I run my hands across my dress once again. Satin. I look down. Creamy colored, strapless, a-line…and lots of sparkle? Oh yes! Its the beautiful dress I had longed for. And just so happened to find it at Target  for 10 bucks. I can still see the red sticker with 20.00 crossed out for the new clearance price. I look up and hear a piano playing. And it all hits me. There are 30 chairs filled with my family members. This is music for my wedding! But wait, I really wanted to have a band! With a guitar and violin, and friends leading worship. Friends! Why weren’t they here at my little garden wedding? The wedding coordinator is asking me when I’ll be ready to walk down the asile. I need time. No not yet. My strapless bra doesn’t look right with this dress. Oh, it doesn’t look right without it either. Mom, what is going on? How did this all happen so fast. I don’t even remember planning anything (except my high dollar sparkely cream dream). She just grins and scoots me toward the asile.  And I forget ever wanting anything more than the simple beauty of a promise of forever. The wedding march is starting to play. I smile, look up, and its….

4:30 am. Yep. I woke up, well jolted up, before I got to see the lucky man. Who has the thoery right on why we have dreams? Are they revelations of things suppressed within us? Visions of things to come? Random neurons firing around in my sleepy brain? I’ll be interested to find out one day.

I love the memory of sharing chocolate chips from the freezer while sitting around the table to catch up on each other’s days. Here is a recap of my day. I have been struggling with my physics class which was a pre-requisite formy Physical Therapy program, but I didn’t finish in time before PT classes started. Today I went timidly into the program director’s office to discuss whether I was allowed to stay in the program. I convinced myself that I really did want to stay in the program and would give my all if only they don’t kick me out because it would be yet another confirmation that this is the place I am supposed to be. In spite of my intimidation of my director, he graciously allowed me 3 more weeks to finish the course. Pretty amazing, and definitly has not been allowed of anyone else in the past. So it will be an intense 3 weeks comming up. But its funny how quickly I can change my mind about being sure about PT before going in to see him, but questioning once again now that I actually can stay in the program.

I would love to eat choclate chips and here how your day is going as well.

 its nice to see that everyone is having a blast over there in D.C.  I can only say that it makes me extremely jealous (and i know nikki probably understands this feeling) that you all have a chance to see each other every once in a while without having to by a plane ticket.  This first year here in Michigan away from family and friends has definitely helped me realize how much i love all of you girls from JMU and how extremely rare our kind of friendships are.  That and i can’t even begin to estimate how much we’ve spent on plane tickets and gas traveling back and forth to family and friends…. really rather ridiculous, i honestly can say i’ve never been so tired of traveling in my life…. we’ve finally been in Michigan for over 2 weeks now and it is the end of august…. since the end of april we haven’t been here that long, so we’re enjoying doing NOTHING.  We went from his parents for our wedding reception, to my parents for my birthday, to his place for memorial day/his birthday, to Denver for my cousins wedding, to Richmond for Patti’s wedding, to Pittsburgh for a family thing, to matts house to housesit (which was our first relaxing trip because we just sat by their pool and watch the dog for a week) then we went to California for a week to see my relatives out there.  so we’ve been bouncing around, i’m now catching my breath and doing all the things that have needed to be done!

In terms of whats going on with me, well, this year has been hard on me, yes i know everyone thinks i should just be basking in newlywed happiness but i have been struggling for the past few months, don’t get me wrong Matt and I are doing perfectly fine, just personal stuff that likes to come kick me in the butt.  I have come to really hate Michigan, I have maybe 2 friends and one is my husband, so that doesn’t say much about me.  Matt doesn’t understand why i don’t hang out with my co-workers, but you ladies know me, i don’t get along well with people who’s idea of hanging out with friends is to go to a bar and get drunk, or have a bunch of people over and get drunk and high and get robbed… i just haven’t found people that are like me.  but i guess its a good thing my husband is my best friend then you know.  and i know its short term and i can stick it out, but it gets lonely sometimes.  but the good news is… after 2 years from the start of Mono, i am finally getting back to normal!!  yes, shocking that it took this long but i realized just how much i pushed myself at JMU senior year AFTERWARDS…. i definitely made myself sicker by staying in school but its a choice i made and sometimes i am very grateful that i didn’t suddenly jump into grad school or a high paced job after JMU because i finally was able to take care of myself properly and keep myself from getting very ill.  Everything has a reason, even me not being able to find a job and make friends right…. thats what keeps me going i think sometimes, knowing that this whole experience is trying to teach me something.

I’ve pretty much given up on finding a job related to psychology here in Michigan because the economy sucks and without more degrees behind my name i have no chance.  So after realizing that applying to jobs has only frustrated me endlessly, killed my self-confidence, and made me a very bitter person I’ve decided to just stop that nonsense.  Right now I’m attempting to take some grad school classes at Michigan while working until Matt gets done, and also maybe finding some volunteer work… however i really think Michigan sucks at processing paper work and they’re pissing me off again so i dunno if the classes will work out but if anything i’ll find volunteer work: a) because if i don’t find something worthwhile to do with my time I may just go nuts waiting to leave this awful state, and b) it will look good on a grad school app…. I’ve been slowly compiling a list of grad schools that have a social work program and narrowing down the list, and i think i’ve got it down to about 9 schools right now but i’m still looking into the programs, and the areas they’re in…. so more on those school choices to come.  Although I can tell you definitely that University of Pittsburgh, and IUPUI (in Indianapolis) have made the list because strategicallly they’re good locations for Matt and I to end up in terms of where our familys are located. 

here’s some pics… sorry for this crazy long blog but i kinda dropped off the face of the planet in my depression so i needed to make up for it

http://picasaweb.google.com/wilde.rebecca/CAVacation?authkey=1WfQkBf3O-A  this is from our trip to california, which was soooooooo much fun

http://picasaweb.google.com/wilde.rebecca/MikeSWeddingInDenver6162?authkey=RSZjPUB_1Bo  this is from my cousin mike’s wedding in denver with the same side of my family that you see in the CA pics.

FYI: for everyone that remembered me talking about my cousin kelly out in CA, the one with the baby that was diagnosed with colon cancer while we were at JMU… she has successfully finished chemo treatments and seems to have beaten it!! 

 In the fall, I’m still teaching through CityDance at the inner city schools, but this year I got accepted to teach through their new program. This program combines writing and dance, (perfect!!) it’s a more intense program and meets more than once a week.  Also, it focuses on the worse neighborhoods in the DC area, my boss basically told me if I thought my schools were in bad areas last year, just wait for this year.  And you know what? I got really excited about that. But that’s me, I like challenges

I’m also still teaching at the studio and at a new place in Bethesda called Imagination Stage.  And I’m still trying to freelance write, and I’ll also be subsituting in the school system when I get the chance too. Yep, Kim is still very busy. But I love it.

I moved into my apt. about a month ago, and i love it! (DC’ers please come visit it ). Me and the roomie (my best friend from high school who i went to europe with last summer) are having fun but it’s not the same as P.run…will anything ever be like living with you all?? I think not.

It’s just so nice to finally be back on my own again:)

Let’s see here’s some more fun updates:

*steph, i’m glad you found a new car and like you I too will be looking for a new one since my little red saturn has finally gone to car heaven. Right now my dad is being gracious in letting me use his till my fall paychecks start coming in, but i’m gonna start looking for a new one…and i am with steph, one that i can pay off in a few years.

* i’ve been taking a dance class this summer (modern dance) from this wonderful amazing teacher and I got to go see his company perform a few weeks ago…so good! Me and one of my fellow inner city teachers/dancers are going to start getting together to choreograph this fall for some showcases…we’ll see how it goes.

*I’ve been running A LOT lately, nikki, you’d be proud. I’d love to train for some kind of race, but somedays I lack the motivation. Ugh. Nikki give me your secrets.

*As for the presidential race Steph, I’ve been so into it this year! (you’d be proud…haha), and to prove my nerdiness when it comes to news/politics:: the other week they had the CNN/You Tube debates for the democrats…and i took about 10 pages of notes, no joke. Not for a class, not for an article, just because. There you go, there’s my nerdiness.  But i’m still not sure who I’m for yet, although i REALLY like John Edwards (i know i know, democrat but still…I really support his stands on a lot of issues.) and anyone but hillary!!! haha…sorry if you all like her…i just don’t. I’d love to see a woman president, but not her. please.    the other day i got into an argument with a friend saying that they would vote for hillary just b/c she was a woman, but they had no idea what she stood for. AHh!!! that bothers me so much! We need to know who were voting for and against.  we should all read up on both sides before we make a decision, that’s all. Ok getting off my soapbox now…ha.

ok i could really talk about politics for a long time. So I’ll stop now. But if you ever want to let me know, b/c it’s become a new interest for me…maybe I should’ve been a political science major on top of everything else….haha.

 anyways, i want to hear how everyone else’s summer is wrapping up, let us know!!

I miss you girls and somedays I really miss our nights hanging out in the p.run living room and hallway chats….how good it is to have such great friends like you and such great memories to look back on.

Summer’s winding down, and I know a few of you are gearing up as I am for the start of “school” in whatever form that comes for you!  My summer was spent nannying a baby girl with whom I obviously fell slightly in love.  It was the perfect rejeuvenation I needed and kept me positive about children:)  I found myself saying the most random things to her, and I made everything into a song.  Basically, I was a walking opera on sweet potatoes, the ABC’s and naptimes–which will need to change soon, or my students will think I’m crazy!  I also took some salsa dancing lessons.  (Enjoyed seeing Becca, Kim, and Vivian for the B&K birthday dancing!)  

In other news…
*I moved into a house with 5 other girls (yikes!) after living alone for 1 year.  The house is on Capitol Hill and all are welcome any time!  It is a beautiful old row house, and I’m excited for the change of having people bop in and out all the time again.  Reminds me of you girls…
*JUST bought a car (a 2004 Sonata), and I’m so thankful that I’ll be able to pay it off and start OVER in 3 years or less.  It took all summer, but things came together!
*I went to a DC United game (yes, I admit–solely to see Beckham) but I also REALLY enjoyed it.  Can I convince any of you to join me in tracking the sport?  DC United is actually pretty good, so…we could get a group together? 
*Presidential ’08: I’m taking a poll and asking a very intrusive question: Who are y’all supporting in ’08?
*Last: I’ve been reading Keep a Quiet Heart by Elisabeth Elliott. It’s short viniettes of her wisdom, but I’ve really been encouraged by the premise that worry and perfectionism and “doing” doesn’t have to take over. So ladies, have a wonderful week or more until I hear from you, and keep a quiet heart.

 I miss you all so much and can’t believe it’s been over a year since we graduated! And yet, sometimes, it feels longer.  I feel like I’ve grown up so much this year!! As I’m sure we’ve all have.  I’ve learned so much, and I’ve done so many things this year that I would’ve never imagined EVER having the courage or strength to do. 

I’m looking forward to a summer full of organizing/teaching summer dance camps and keeping busy with many other gigs/jobs, but also (hopefully) some relaxation! I move into my new apartment this weekend…and I haven’t even started packing…ahh!!! I guess some things never change (aka: my procrastination). 

I hope you all find time to relax this summer too, I hope you find time to simply enjoy the small moments.  As a teacher, I feel that I sometimes learn more from my students than they learn from me…ha. This week, I had a little boy in my summer camp who was about 5 years old and the most adorable thing ever.  He’s an outgoing, creative and attentive young kid, and also very interested in bugs…(i got to hear all about how he’s going to Bug camp this summer, haha). anyways, one day at lunch, we were sitting in a park in DC and he noticed a bunch of ants carrying a large cracker crumb. He got SO excited and could not take his eyes off these ants.  And he made me watch them too…ha. He kept exclaming how “cool” it was that these ants could together, carry something so big for them.  As I sat there watching him get so excited, I wondered when was the last time I took time to sit and wonder about something that may seem insignificant but isn’t?? When was the last time I took time out of my day to be in awe of nature, or anything in that manner?? I feel like I’ve been so busy this year, that I haven’t had time to do that.  At JMU i used to ALWAYS stop to watch the sunset, even if it was sitting in my car in the ISAT parking lot.  But this year, I’m usually sitting in traffic during that time and watching the sunset is the furthest thing from my mind.

That little boy, Will, reminded me how important it is to stop and take time to enjoy the small things in life.  The things that make us wonder. So I hope this summer (and all the time), you girls find time out of your busy lives to enjoy the small moments in life.   And I hope I can too, because it’s so important.

anyways, love you all and hope you’re doing well. keep updating this too, i miss you all!!

 May you be refreshed this summer, confirmed in the places you are, encouraged in new friendships, and going after various and sundry adventures!  I send my thoughts and prayers–wishing you were here with me to enjoy my frozen bag of chocolate chips and meager attempts at salsa dancing; however, if sharing your friendship means we keep in touch MUCH less often–might we give the blog one more shot?  I’m going to try for the summer and see how it goes! 

Salut